Random Bits of Rubbish : Harry Potter
by weyohi2g4234yh
Summary: ... Basically me, my brother ('Potter' eh he he he he...) and his friend played consequenxes only it didn't work, because nothing actually worked in order. It's just bits of rubbish. Hence the title. Coming Soon: The same -- in LOTR flavour!


Ok... More on this: Basically, as said before, me, my brother, and his friend, decided to play themed consequences, only it didn't work. We ended up just writing bits of vaguely amusing stuff which didn't link to each other. Anyway, we also did this for LOTR, and I'll type that all up when I can be bothered. I tried to pick out the ones that were funny rather than amusing to small boys because they had swearwords and sex in them. Some things are just our little jokes, like repeated use of 'he/she/it groaned and fell over', and occasionally we tried to get as many of these into one turn as possible. We tended to use 'drawled Malfoy' a lot... in fact, all the time... Oh, and Potter* says erotic cheesecake is copyright to him. It's not really, but... *shrug*  
  
I probably should add some disclaimery rubbish. I would, but everyone knows the Harry Potter characters weren't made up by me, and I can't be bothered. IIf you didn't know they weren't, what planet do you live on?  
  
Anyway... on with the random rubbish.  
  
I'd say 'may god have mercy on your soul' or something before starting but so many people have said that already that I won't. I'll just say: Have a guacamole'n good time!!!  
  
  
  
"Well, Well, w-ugh!" drawled Malfoy, cut off mid-drawl because Potter had hit him in the tum.  
  
-Potter*  
  
"The way I see it," said Hermione, "Up and down cannot exist as from space, direction is -"  
  
"Oh, shut up," drawled Malfoy, and turned her into a Furby™ (and probably ® as well).  
  
"Doo-ay!" said Hermione.  
  
-Me  
  
"Hello, Potter, you blockhead," drawled Malfoy. "Oh, everybody hates me," wailed Harry. Hermione blinked. "How strange. We seem to have gone Peanuts." she said, as Ron viciously whacked her with a blanket.  
  
-Potter*  
  
Harry ran up to Dumbledore, gasping for breath. "Professor Dumbledore, Snape is evil!"  
  
"Yes, Harry, Snape is evil, but do you know what's really evil? Split ends. But I don't get them any more since I started using Pantene Pro-V! Its unique formula--"  
  
Harry shook his head. It was clear Dumbledore was going to be of no help.  
  
-Potter's* dirty-minded little friend (PDMLF)  
  
"Hey," drawled Malfoy. "Goyle, why are you wearing a Harry Potter™ t- shirt?"  
  
Goyle shuffled his feet. "Um... it was all they had... and ..." he glared at Malfoy. "You're supposed to be my friend, why do you always address me by my second name?"  
  
Malfoy returned the glare. "You're not a friend, you're a hired thug."  
  
"Oh." There was a pause. "Then... how come I never get paid?"  
  
"Uh..." Malfoy looked slightly worried, but was unable to give an excuse because Goyle had hit him over the head with a pickled weasel.  
  
-Me  
  
"...And that's the meaning of life," finished Hermione.  
  
"You sound like a twit," commented Harry.  
  
"Oh, shut up!" shouted Hermione and turned him into a badly made rubber keyring.  
  
-PDMLF  
  
Harry bought the gleaming jewel into the light. Hermione gasped. "It's the gem of wotsi! The most powerful object in the wizarding world!" She took it from him and threw it at his forehead.  
  
-Me  
  
"You can't do that withoug permission from the great Elk!" declared Hermione triumphantly.  
  
Malfoy drawled on by saying "I wouldn't do that if I were you for my father could eat your kneecaps faster than you can say crumpets and jam!"  
  
-Potter*  
  
Harry gave a groan and fell over. "Ugh..." he said, "I fell like someone is scooping my brains out of my ear with a spoon..."  
  
"Oh, sorry," mumbled Seamus Finnegan, his voice muffled by the grey stuff in his mouth, and removed the spoon.  
  
-Me  
  
"Well, well - ugh!" drawled Malfoy, he had been yet again hit in the tum by Harry. In return Malfoy kicked him in the groin. Harry looked up and smiled before groaning and falling over, landing on an erotic cheesecake.  
  
-Potter*  
  
"You know, Hermione," said Ron, "You have beautiful eyes."  
  
Hermione glared at him. "No, I am not doing your homework for you again!"  
  
He looked at her, somewhat hurt. "No, really, I - "  
  
"Oh, sod off," she said, annoyed, and turned him into a fold-up cardboard elk with handy wheels, bicycle rack, and all-purpose pockets.  
  
-Me  
  
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Potty wee Potter," drawled Malfoy. Harry looked up and smiled at nothing in particular. Ron groaned and fell over.  
  
"Oh, sod off," said Hermione, and turned him into a crumpet fish.  
  
-PDMLF  
  
"Dooay! Uuuwa! Uuuwa!" said Hermione. Ron sighed and put a blanket over her head, whereupon she began to snore.  
  
Harry sighed. "Drat that Malfoy!" he said, and thumped the table with a fist, accidentally dislodging Hermione, who fell to the floor.  
  
"Aay! Cock-a-doodle doo! Uuwa! Big, sound!"  
  
-Me  
  
*'Potter' is my brother. His real name is Adam, but I call him Potter, which usually leads to him hitting me. Oh well. For a more full explanation see my profile thingie.  
  
We will obviously do this stuff again, because it's fun, and also Potter and his friend seem to think that this is actually what consequences is, bless their 60% cotton, 35% nylon, 5% little bits of lint socks. 


End file.
